I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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