I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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