Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
