He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Someone came in the potted fern
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
