I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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