I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize