Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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