I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
