She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize