He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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