Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
