I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
