I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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