i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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