woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
