I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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