i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
