Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
