i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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