There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
