Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
