Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
