its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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