It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
