as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
