i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
