I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
