Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its about making memories worth repressing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
