I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
