Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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