Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
