Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
