im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
