ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
