I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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