Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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