just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
