Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
