I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
