I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
