It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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