Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
