i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
