I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
