We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
