I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
