a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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