its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
