Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
