she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
