it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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