Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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