I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
