the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
