My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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